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How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/Boyfriend pressuring me in to sex

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Question
I've been dating a guy for almost 2 years. He has a high sex drive. Although I very much enjoy sex with him, sometimes I don't want to have sex.  Reasons varry but usually it's because my tummy hurts from my period or he's was just being kind of a insensitive at dinner which never makes me want to share my most intimate parts or be so close.

When I don't want to have sex he thinks I'm being mean to him & it's not fair that he can't have sex just because I don't want to.  Depending on the situation sometimes he'll suggest that he'll settle if I just give him oral sex as an alternative. Usually my not wanting sex causes a huge argument in which crying ensues & he inevitably gets pissed that I'm crying over nothing & calls me crazy.  Sometimes to prevent this scenario from playing out, I agree to sex & just give in & lay there waiting for him to finish then clean myself up in the bathroom.

My question is, what's the best way for me to tell him that I don't want to have sex with out him getting upset & saying I'm being mean or having an argument about it?

I've tried explaining that certain behaviors of his make me not feel close enough to desire sex at the moment he wants it.  He says I'm sensitive about his behavior & I'm being judge mental & picky about him.

I've tried just leaving his house when I know I'm not feeling up to it.
He gets upset that I left so soon & unexpectedly.

I've tried not seeing him on days I'm on my period.
He thinks I'm staying away too long.

I've tried saying gross things that will make him less frisky. He gets upset that I'm changing the mood.

Answer
Hello Mary,

He cannot force you into something and be oblivious to your feelings. Physical proximity is an essential part of a relationship but if you are not feeling up to it, he should learn to respect you. Sit with him and talk it out politely. Lay down some rules that during your periods you will not be indulging in sex or that it will always be with mutual consent. Discuss it out that both of you will not make this a major issue nor would he misjudge you if you say NO. It won't be a disaster if he does not see you 3-4 days a month, explain that to him that for a woman certain things are personal and you would want it that way. Ensure that you do not drive him away by saying rude things, that won't solve anything.  

Regards,

Vani  

How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One

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Vani

Expertise

Can handle all questions pertaining to arguments/difference of opinion among friends, spouses, family, colleagues. The crux is to understand the causality and personality of the people involved in such a complex situation.

Experience

Being the eldest child in the family and also one of the eldest in the immediate family, I am a very popular person. About 15 years of work experience has also made me an expert on how to juggle with family and work life in a more balanced manner.

Publications
I am an expert on Indian Culture and Inlaw Relationship at allexperts.com

Education/Credentials
Masters in Business Administration

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