How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/His past worries me

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Question
Last night my boyfriend and I chatted about his sexual past. He honestly told me he lost it to a friend whom he didn't even love but when I asked whether he regretted it, he said no. I'm so shocked by what he told me... So I prodded deeper and discovered that they did everything together and that threw me right off. I'm a virgin and wanted to share my first time with him but now I dont feel that anymore. I read somewhere that if you lose it to someone you don't have feelings for ( like in his case)  then it sets a bad precedent, is that true ? Also he says sex is just sex... Which is the complete polar opposite of what I believe!

Answer
Hi, Cher. The question you are asking has no right or wrong answer. It is based solely on what or how you feel.

You are a virgin and he is not. Does he still keep in contact with this girl and if not, are you okay with being in a relationship with someone who has a sexual past and more experience in the department of "sex" than you do? From the sound of it, it looks like you value your beliefs, where as, he has a different belief entirely.

To some people, sex is just that...sex. While to others, it is something to cherish and only share with another person when either you are married or in love. Having sex with someone you don't have feelings for may or may not set a bad precedence, but like I said, it is solely up to you on how you handle the situation after the fact.

If his beliefs and past bother you and if you aren't ready to share yourself with him...or anyone for that matter, then I don't think you should. Your first time, in my opinion, should be special and with someone you care about. It should also be with someone who values how you feel. In this particular situation, I'm not saying your bf doesn't value how you feel, but he definitely doesn't think about sex in the same manner you do and that can cause some conflict.

Bottom line, if you aren't ready to have sex...which it doesn't sound to me like you are, then hold off. Find someone that you can share this experience with that you love and care about. Preferably someone who shares the same views and morals you do.

Sex may be "just sex" to him, but you seem to value yourself more then that...and there is definitely nothing wrong with holding yourself to a higher standard.

Hope this helps!

xoxo,
Kathy

How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One

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Kathy

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I can answer questions in regards to relationships, dating, family issues, etc. I, myself, have been through it all. I also have experience working with depression and am a parent so I can contribute advice through the eyes of both a mom, sister, daughter and a friend.

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I have battled depression and have overcome a great deal. I have been in serious relationships, one for 11 years as well as one I am currently in and both have been incredibly different, but incredibly eye opening. I have a family of women and relationships are all we seem to talk about. I have also worked in a facility with young women in various types of relationships ranging from abusive to non-abusive. I am a great listener and although I lack any "professional" credentials, I will provide honest and compassionate answers and help to those who need.

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I'm just a really good listener and an older sister, a mom, and a girlfriend. I have experience with relationships..trust me.

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