How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/husband doesn't consult me

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Question
Hi Kathy,
My husband has made a habit of making financial decisions without consulting me. A few years ago, he took a car loan out for his married daughter and only told me after the fact.  We ended up paying in full for her car because she couldn't make the payments.  Now, he went out and bought himself a truck which involves a monthly payment of us for 5 years.  I am very angry that he made the decision that we could afford this and he never spoke to me.  He just drove home in this new truck and told me about the payments.  I am retired but my pension is larger than his paycheck so I do feel that I am a contributing financial member in this marriage.  He seems to think that he can just get what he wants and I just have to go along with it.  This, to me is not a partnership.  He didn't need a new truck.  The one he had was in great shape....and was newer than the vehicle that I am driving. I tried talking to him and explaining myself but we can't seem to work this out.  We haven't spoken more than a few words to each other in 2 days.  I'm ready to ask him to leave.  Any advice would be helpful and appreciated.
Thanks,
Lynn

Answer
Hi, Lyn! I can completely understand and see why you would be so frustrated. If talking to him hasn't worked, I would suggest trying to write him a letter or perhaps an e-mail. Sometimes, although speaking to someone directly is best, the other person just isn't willing to listen.

Everything you wrote to me makes perfect sense and entirely understandable. Do you think if you wrote to him something similar, he would be offended? If you could make the letter sound less accusational and more about how what he does is affecting you, then perhaps he will be more willing to listen.

If all else fails, and you have tried your best to communicate with him and he just doesn't listen, try seeking out counseling or therapy or even a third party (a close family member or friend whom he respects and who you both trust). From my experience with those I love, such as my significant other, when I try and tell them how I feel about something, he seems to take it as nagging, but should someone else relay the message, he seems to understand a little better. For whatever reason, he takes information better from our friend than he does from me. I don't necessarily know why, but he becomes a lot more empathetic towards the situation. Sometimes, a little outside perspective helps individuals see a bit more clearly.

Hopefully, this helps. Good luck, Lyn! Don't give up.

xoxo,
Kathy

How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One

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Kathy

Expertise

I can answer questions in regards to relationships, dating, family issues, etc. I, myself, have been through it all. I also have experience working with depression and am a parent so I can contribute advice through the eyes of both a mom, sister, daughter and a friend.

Experience

I have battled depression and have overcome a great deal. I have been in serious relationships, one for 11 years as well as one I am currently in and both have been incredibly different, but incredibly eye opening. I have a family of women and relationships are all we seem to talk about. I have also worked in a facility with young women in various types of relationships ranging from abusive to non-abusive. I am a great listener and although I lack any "professional" credentials, I will provide honest and compassionate answers and help to those who need.

Education/Credentials
I'm just a really good listener and an older sister, a mom, and a girlfriend. I have experience with relationships..trust me.

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