How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/My Mom and Me



I am a Indian girl. My problem started out last year when I lost my uncle to cancer. He was really close to me because he taught me a lot about music and reading and learning which are some of my passions. Ever since he died, playing the piano has been rough for me. I can't imagine his harsh but yet gentle critique or the praise he used to give my parents. Ever since that I can't play in front of others, it hurts too much. About a week ago, my parents and I went to a recital and I had played but with some difficulty. After the recital, my parents urged me to play some more as some other kids were doing that but I didn't want to for a couple of reasons: 1. I  was shy, I have been quite shy for the last couple of years in fear that people would find me weird or crazy, 2. I didn't remember any other song at the time and 3. It was hard trying to play infront of a crowd thinking of my uncle already. My mom later called my actions a disappointment and said that I always am one. My father just yelled at me. We started arguing and I said that as a musician I can't just play for your amusement and the two reasons I said before. My mom then got angry at me and said that I was making up excuses and that I don't remember songs because I don't practice. I admit that I haven't practice but only due to taking a break from piano and learning musical theory which I completed last week. She tried talking to me and I said how her calling me a disappointment hurt. She then later said to me that my actions and shyness hurt her. Lately I feel like self harming or running away. My Indian background makes it hard for me to tell her anything as my family have very big expectations for their youngest (me) and hard for me to tell them that I'm shy and that it's hard for me to play since last year. I don't consider my parents bad parents but I find it hard that they can't relate to a lot of me experiences

Hi Rishi,

My heartfelt condolences on the sad demise of your uncle. What you are going through is perfectly normal. It's difficult for your parents to understand that how the passing away of your Guru - your uncle has left an indelible mark. Why not sit with them once when you find them in a relatively happy mood and explain that you love them but are a shy person. That music is for one's own ears and happiness and not an art form that can be practiced for others' pleasure alone. Let them know that you appreciate the fact that they expect you to excel but the words like 'disappointment' hurt your feelings. You will have to start a communication channel with your parents especially your mom. Think what would your uncle want of you? Would he like it that you gave up music? Would he love to see you perform and be the best?



How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One

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