How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/disagreement


My husband and I have been married 5 yrs in June and together 8 years by this time. Since September 2014 things have been going south. He took a promotion (65+ hrs/week) and we moved out of state away and friends and I became a stay at home mom to 3.

Over the couple months in particular it has gotten to the point where I have looked into a separation and possible divorce. There is no physical connection for me any more. I'm unhappy but smile for everyone so they see no problems. I have thrown myself into leading both of my daughter's girl scout troops for an ounce of adult contact (one daisy and one brownie). I started a master's program at the local college but after one class have no desire to go on  had to drop out due to my husband work schedule and no one to watch my kids (night classes)

Over the past almost 2 weeks, its been really tough. He has had many conversations with me saying that he doesn't like it when I tell him "he isn't home enough", "he doesn't do enough", "the kids miss him". What he didn't see us that he works 7 days a week (voluntary finds reasons on his day off to go in for 4-5 hrs, always on phone or computer, doesn't help kids with homework, extreamly limited housework, family is bottom of priorities). His schedule involves him working 11a to 10-11p or 2p to 12-1a.

He wants to go.on a vacation in May, 8hr dive, no stops, 4 days, kids out of school. His neice is getting married. Ive meet her about 3x in 8 years, 20-30 min, wasn't personable art all, my oldest hasn't met her, middle cold did when she was 1 and hasn't seen since (now 7y), my youngest never seen. She is having an all adult wedding, no kids allowed. He wants to drop the kids off with a person I meet once for overnight. Family day at the museum, MLB game, spend a night out with friends which kids will be in the care of his 74y mom in falling health, one bedroom, assisted living facility.(no communication with "friends" unless we come to town once a year, half my husband's age, immature), we also have a dog that week need to be cared for which will need to be boarded somewhere.

I have no desire to go on trip. Not only because I don't feel the connection, but financially we can't afford it, I don't know his neice or this person watching kids so I'm not comfortable, can't stand his sui called friends, made the promises to the kids to go to the museum (expensive!) And the MLB game (huge rival game...expensive and three elementary kids put in the mix of standing room only...not my idea of a good time). I know he will be very upset because he has not seen his mom since July 2014. This will cause dama and I will go to please him but we'll be miserable and it will ruin his trip overall.

How can I talk to him without this bowing up?

Hi Holli

Sorry but you can't convince him without making him get angry. He will never agree to you and the kids not travelling with him. So if you are very clear that you can't leave your kids with some one then let him know that you cannot accompany him. Ensure that he does attend the wedding. In fact be polite and ask him if you possibly can buy the gift or make any other arrangements. When you do this just say that such a long drive and the fact that kids won't be with you isn't such a great idea. Don't tell him that you are concerned about leaving them with an old person or that you aren't familiar with his niece.

Best of luck


How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One

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Can handle all questions pertaining to arguments/difference of opinion among friends, spouses, family, colleagues. The crux is to understand the causality and personality of the people involved in such a complex situation.


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