How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/Arguing over the L word
I've been with my boyfriend for five months. Yeah it's not an extremely long time but it's gotten to the point were "I love you" is starting to fall out of my mouth without me thinking about it or trying to say it. Most of the time though, I'll catch myself before it happens and keep my mouth shut. Reason for this people, he really, reaaally does not want me to say it. Our relationship is very different from any of his past girlfriends. His relationships were always at least partially long distance, so he'd only see them a couple times a week, but we've never been like that. We were stuck together at the hip from day one. We live together now, have for almost a month. We've had our moments, including a very hard time where I was very surprised he didn't leave. We stuck it out. It used to be a good thing that our relationship is unlike any other he's had, because it was always in good ways. Now it's starting to turn around on me. I don't like that I think a lot about his ex, she's not in the picture anymore, he doesn't talk to her or care for her. But I've noticed things he did differently with her than he does with me and it's bothering and, in some cases, hurtful. One of those things being the whole I love you thing. With his ex before me, and all the others before her, he told them he loved him. His relationships, in his opinion, weren't really real ones and they weren't good by any means. He says with me it's so much different. With others he didnt really care. But with me, he cares so much times it pisses him off. I was ill for two months it caused him such anxiety to see me like that he cried for hours. But yet, he refuses to say he loves me. Even though he says he didn't really care about his other relationships, he says telling them he loved them ruined it. He thinks that word complicates things and he doesn't want to ruin us or lose me. But it hurts. It literally feels like the I love yours are building up inside me and if he doesn't let me say it soon I'm going to explode. I love him, do. And if he doesn't want us to say it yet fine. I just want him to let me know, in some way shape or form, that he loves me too, then I can wait, I can be patient. But with it like it is now, I feel like he doesn't and he never will.
My apology for a delayed reply. What would you rather have Cole - a guy who says the 'L' word every morning but is not around when you need him OR a guy who does not say the word but cries to see you unwell?? I think you have a good game going, there is hope for this relationship so don't get touchy about what he says and what he does not. He has said that with you it's different, he means it. Suppose you knew nothing about his ex or how he behaved with her, would you still be comparing the two situations? Enjoy this time with him, nurture a long term friendship and hope for the best.