How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One/Mistakes and fears


Dear Vani,
I've been a guy for 2 months (we are both 19) and I didn't want to make it official till I was ready and he told he would wait. Back then he used to like me a lot more than I do. While I gradually developed feelings for him. After 2 months, we had an argument because he was jealous over a guy friend I had. So at that point, I felt like its time, I need to make this official. And on the day I planned to to tell him was on the day our friends had a gathering, and I haven't spoke to another guy friend for a long time so I wanted to catch up. When I made it official and told him I was ready, I was 80% sure that I wanted this. Decided to take a risk. So we were official but at the same time i sticked to my old plan which was catching up with a guy friend. So I somehow did both hang with him then the friend.

He tried opening up that night later about how I was spending more time with my friend and whenever spend time with him I'm quiet. I closed the argument because i didn't want us to fight. We just got together.

A week later, when I really really am 100% I made the right decision. I have completely fallen for him. I felt something bothering him, and I couldn't let it go. So that issue came up again, turns he felt like he wasn't needed that day especially when it was the day we made it official. It was a special day yet I screwed it up.

He told me after that day, his feelings for me went down just a lil bit. It's still high but it went down a bit. Now I'm really scared that if I do the same mistake again he'll lose his feelings and leave me.
He also has the fears that one day I'll lose interest in him and leave him.

If only I could go back to that day and change the outcome but I can't.
So we had all this talk about the day and from now we'll be completely honest with each other. But of course he's still bothered. He told me I left a scar and that he had trust issues. He said trusts me but I don't knw.

We decided to have a 1 day cool off. Just to have peace and think. That's all I can do for now.

I hate being this with him, I hate making him feel this way. What can I do to make amends? Anything.


Hi Hana,

He is just being possessive and which is a natural reaction since you made it official. No, you do not need to make any amends but ensure that you talk this out with him. Introduce him to all your friends and let him know that he holds the most important place in your life, rest do not matter. Make rules and you both follow them, it's the best way to energize a relationship. A healthy relationship gives breathing space and freedom. If you are honest and open, you need not fear at all.



How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One

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Can handle all questions pertaining to arguments/difference of opinion among friends, spouses, family, colleagues. The crux is to understand the causality and personality of the people involved in such a complex situation.


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