Expert: Sid - 1/10/2007

Question
Thank you so much for your response, it is so relieving to talk about this
openly with someone who might be able to help.  
To elaborate, I guess the best way to put it all out there is to say that I feel
cheated on.  I have used those words before with him sort of as a warning.  I
put it out there specifically so he would know, and that if he had a problem,
he could speak up and stick up for his 'needs/desires'
With that said, I am still at a loss.  I feel that we are beyond the sit down and
talk, because we went there the last two times.  He basically had no excuses,
no insight, and promised that he would never do it again.  It was sort of like,
"Well, I'm sorry, but you're either going to leave me or you're not."
Some people might say that it's just fighting human nature to expect him to
comply--but I say that at no point has this ever been a cloudy issue with me.  
Deliberately seeking out the privates of other women in extremely raunchy
ways is to me, an infidelity.  Especially because we live together.  I'm 22, in
great shape, and most guys would say I'm pretty good looking. What gives?
Any other thoughts?
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The text above is a follow-up to ...

-----Question-----
 My boyfriend and I have been a relationship for six years, and throughout
the entire time, it has been no secret how I feel about porn.  I cannot stand
the idea and feel that there is no room for it in a healthy relationship (unless
it is something some couples enjoy together.)  I have been living with my
boyfriend for about a year now, and have caught him with online porn three
seperate times.  The first time, I screamed, I cried, and I threw things.  The
second time, I felt hopless and depressed.  This time, I feel like I have no
choice but to leave him.  I just can't seem to accept that he would be willing
to jeopardize our relationship and betray my trust over and over, resulting in
the utter destruction of our relationship.  I don't know what to do.  Accepting
porn is out of the question.
-----Answer-----
Hi Stephanie,
Porn is something that everyone enjoys seeing at one point of time or other
in their entire lifetime. I feel that there is nothing wrong in it. I wish you were
a little more descriptive about your relationship. There are only two times
when a person is prone to porn. One when he is sexually dissatisfied and
secondly when he needs variety. The first one is fine but if the person seeks
variety then there arises the real problem. You could probably sit one day and
have a one-one chat with him and tell him how much u dislike this habit of
his and ask him probably if he there is something lacking in your relationship
that you could fulfil. If he says yes then you could probably work on it. But if
he is quite satisfied with your relationship then you need to take a stand and
tell him that this is something that you hate and that it is going to bring a
strain in your relationship. Hope this helps. Please let me know if I can clarify
further

Answer
Hi stephanie,

To start off with I think that almost every man goes through viewing porn at one point of tiume or the other. But it definitely does not mean that he intends to cheat on you or does not mean he's doing it because you are not pretty. Some people also view porn because they want to find newer ways of making love. But since you say that it has crossed that stage of talking, I think the best way to put it across would be probably telling him that woiuld he like it if you do the same thing as him? There are also these porn locker softwares that you get online. You could probably use one of them on yur computer.