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About Jessie Upp, M.S., R.C.
Expertise

Working through the My Way to OUR WAY method, I offer engaged & married couples help with issues regarding love, conflict resolution, anger management, blended families (married with children), parental issues and sibling rivalry.

When in conflict, you might wonder:

Why does he/she DO THAT?!
I just understand him/her.
I can't get them to consistently start/stop!
Why is he/she so upset?
I'm in a lose-lose situation.

If you're stuck, it's because you THINK you have run out of opportunities. I can help you find more!!

Experience

Experience:

Highly experienced in the area of conflict, I believe that families can take full responsibility for solving their own problems, without the need for a long-term third party. I lead an association of counselors who I train so that they can train families on this method (within 5 sessions) and this has made a major difference for many families!

Education/Credentials:
Registered Counselor #RC00059845
M.S. in Management & B.A. in Communications
Formal Education in: Learning, Mediation and Coaching

You are here: Experts > Teens > Teen Advice > How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One > newly wed

How to Work Out Arguments With a Loved One - newly wed

Expert: Jessie Upp, M.S., R.C. - 5/9/2007

Question
Hi I have been married and staying with my wife for five months. Everytime we go out she is pissed off that I am
looking at other girls. I have been working hard to
drop the habit but there has been situations that I have not been looking at other women but she thinks I am looking at it.

What should I do on this? Is this a common thing for
newly married. Wives become conscious that I may be checking out other women. I love her and she is the first thing in my life. I have admitted that I will not look at any other women.. Still sometimes she is accusing me..

She says she trusts me but looking at women when she is
infront of me is disrespectful.. how would i handde this
Please help..i have been single 28 years of my life and just married..may be i have habit of looking at women..what should i do

Answer
It's great that you are putting your wife first.

It sounds as if you don't know when you are looking at other women. Somehow she is bringing insecurities about this type of behavior into your relationship - regardless it being you or her past.

Regardless, simply ask her to tell you when you are doing this (in the moment). Tell her you don't want to create insecurity in your relationship and if there is anything you are doing that does this, you want to be very aware about it.

It's completely honest to say you enjoy beauty, but if it takes away the attention from your wife, your nonverbal behavior says "DON'T TRUST ME - I'm looking."

She picks up on this, makes meaning and then attacks you to make it VERY apparent it hurts her.

If you don't want to hurt your wife, be a team and get this behind both of you.

I also recommend my "Pre-Marriage Training Activity Book" since you both are so new in this relationship. It will provide you with the necessary skill to tackle ANY conflict so that you both feel empowered after any argument, rather than disempowered :)

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