Working through the My Way to OUR WAY method, I offer engaged & married couples help with issues regarding love, conflict resolution, anger management, blended families (married with children), parental issues and sibling rivalry.
When in conflict, you might wonder:
Why does he/she DO THAT?!
I just understand him/her.
I can't get them to consistently start/stop!
Why is he/she so upset?
I'm in a lose-lose situation.
If you're stuck, it's because you THINK you have run out of opportunities. I can help you find more!!
Experience
Experience:
Highly experienced in the area of conflict, I believe that families can take full responsibility for solving their own problems, without the need for a long-term third party. I lead an association of counselors who I train so that they can train families on this method (within 5 sessions) and this has made a major difference for many families!
Education/Credentials:
Registered Counselor #RC00059845
M.S. in Management & B.A. in Communications
Formal Education in: Learning, Mediation and Coaching
Question I have been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. I feel she might be the one which I will eventually propose to (we have talked about it before). We are quite honest people who like to work out our problems. Communication is usually not a problem in our relationship. The problem I am having is that she is gaining weight and I am finding her less sexy or sexually appealing. I am a person that exercises but usually eat what I want (I go to the gym 3 times a week and jog for another 3). She tends to hate exercise (or only runs for 5 minutes and thinks it helps). She is getting fatter and fatter, but doesn't seem to care. She says she doesn't care, so why should I. I feel bad for telling her she is gaining weight and I am finding her less attractive, but she just keeps telling me that it's my problem, not hers. I somewhat agree with her, but still cringe every time we eat a meal because she eats more than I do, even though I exercise more, and weigh nearly twice as much. We are at the point of breaking up, but I really love this girl and don't really have any issues other than this. I have seen her thin before and she looked amazing. I just want her back like that again. I sacrifice some things for our relationship, so why do I feel like an asshole for asking to sacrifice something as well? I really don't know what to do. I keep flipping back and forth between "stop caring and let her get fat although it will bother the hell out of me" or "break up cause it's just gonna get worse". Please give me some advice. Thanks.
Answer Dear Bob,
Your struggle is quite common. If it's not weight, it's drinking, if it's not drinking, it's sex. The list goes on & on. You see, the commonality is wanting the other person to be somewhere between our ideal and our boundary. It sounds as if you are living on your boundary...and she is, too.
My advice is to agree on what "healthy" is and if one of you is tending to slack off of that agreement, that you are open to being coached back into the agreement. Without an agreement, you have nothing. Unspoken expectations and agreements are entries to marriage failure. Before considering marriage, have "the talk." Talk about everything you expect, have her talk about everything she expects and make agreements that those are the values you wish to live...AND you are both willing to hear the other person's perception of the broken agreement - if it is happening.
If you'd like to have a completely different way of looking at "agreements" in marriage, I'd welcome you to visit my website www.myway2ourway.com and purchase the very short "workshop in a book." It was originally written for engaged couples...
