Expert: Emily Calvo - 3/20/2005

Question
Hi, I have been trying Adultfriendfinder.com for about a month and a half now. I have met one person. But not what I am looking for. At this site, I know it's 20% women and 80% men. I figured my personality type is The Mystic Writer. I would love to meet another Mystic Writer, but they are hard to find. I am not interested in smokers and I prefer in the 35 or younger category. I am 42. I also prefer bi-sexual women and not overweight. I even sent emails to Japan, because I love Asians. What would you recommend?

Thanks,

Mark  

Answer
Dear Mark,

There are several things working against you: the male/female ratio; your parameters and the website. I think more popular sites like Match.com may attract more women, so your odds would be better. However, since you're interested in a non-smoker, who is 8 years younger, not overweight, (which is a significant portion of the population) and bi-sexual, you're in a really narrow category.

I'm not sure whether you're interested in finding a long-term committed relationship, or just having some fun. If you're only looking for some three-ways with a cute woman, that shouldn't be difficult to find if you "up" your odds.  Remember, if you went to a bar for a month, dated one woman you met, would you expect to find a suitable partner? No! It takes more work than that.

There's no best way to meet someone, so do all sorts of things. If you have special interests, such as your interest in an Asian woman, attend related events and mingle. Any special exhibits on Asian culture in your area? Any group trips to the region?  

Don't limit yourself to finding an Asian woman. Plus, I've heard
plenty of horror stories about men getting the little Asian wife and
she turns out to be quite a handful. If she's after citizenship, that's a
whole other problem. Culturally, a Asian woman is less likely to play the personal ads game, so you'd need to look into other venues to really have some choice.

Focus more on the ESSENCE of your interests. If you want a bisexual woman, you want someone who is adventurous. Say so in your profile. Do you like the grace and simplicity of Asian people? Say so. Take a look at the qualities that characterize your preferences. If she has an interest in Asian culture, maybe she is Asian.  In a long-term realtiionship, bi-sexual activities are more likely to spring from the relationship rather than looking for someone who is into it upfront. Most women just don't gravitate to the qualities you've mentioned so you need to bring out the characteristics of those qualities and be charming, playful and romantic. Have fun with it.
Thanks!
Emily Calvo