You are here:

Writing Books/Hello, and I need your help! :)

Advertisement


Question
Hello! :)

My name is Magnus and I am a boy of thirteen years. I need your help. :)

I have written a paragraph, but I think the section is okay, but I want it to be even better with good sentences. Do you understand what I mean? :) I want it in a way that I have it now, just readjust some of my sentences. :) So I was wondering if you could help me with this? :) Although you perhaps can not help me, so I appreciate the feedback! :) Maybe you have some ideas, since you're in the industry?  :)
Here is a paragraph I wrote:

"Dear diary: I am so happy and suprised. My mom said yes. She said yes! I am going to the Hove festival. It is a big festival in Norway. I am supposed to go with Julie and Samara, if they are as lucky as me. Julie has very strict parents, but i can put in some good words for her."

Thank you so much if you want to help me! :)

English is my second language, so I'm not so good in English yet:)

I wish you a nice day! :)


Sincerely,

Magnus. :)

Answer
Hi Magnus,

I'm not an ace at editing English (I hire people to do the editing for my books); however, English is my first language, so I can try to help you (but truth be told, your paragraph looks good to me). Here is your paragraph with my edits:

"Dear Diary: I am very happy and surprised! My mom said, "Yes." She said YES! I can go to the Hove festival, which is a big festival in Norway. I am supposed to go with Julie and Samara, if they are as lucky as me and their parents allow them go, too. Julie has very strict parents, but I will put in some good words for her."

What you had originally was very well done for someone who speaks English as a second language.

Take care,
Ann

Writing Books

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Ann Charles

Expertise

I can answer questions from unpublished fiction authors (especially those who write in the mystery and romance genres) regarding building name recognition and platforms PRIOR to landing a publishing contract.

Experience

I am co-owner of the website, 1stturningpoint.com, in which authors (published and unpublished) learn, share, and teach about promotion. I have been studying how to build name recognition and platforms for unpublished authors for almost three years. I read anything I can find on the subject, which isn't much for unpublished authors, and consistently seek more information on it. I am practicing what I preach and have given multiple workshops on the subject. I also have a regular column in multiple professional newsletters and have an article coming out in a national trade magazine regarding this subject.

Organizations
Romance Writers of America, Sisters in Crime, Murder Must Advertise

Education/Credentials
B.A. in English, with an emphasis in Creative Fiction. Ten plus years of writing fiction. Over two years of intense studying and learning about promotion and marketing, including attending several workshops on the subject. I also work with several other experts on the subject of fiction author promotion.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.