Writing Short Stories/sentence wording


I'm stuck on the wording of a sentence.  (It's just a short paragraph about a true event in life that I experienced at a funeral home.)

The scene is I'm leaving a wake, going down the hall with others who are also leaving the wake, and I spot another wake without visitors.  Here is my sentence:

As I headed out from the wake and walked down the hallway amongst the somber crowd, a room with flickering candles caught my attention.

My questions:   Is "of" better to use than "from," and could the sentence be structured better?  Thanks very much.

Ten Thousand Miles from Home
Ten Thousand Miles fro  

"As I headed out from the wake and walked down the hallway amongst the somber crowd, a room with flickering candles caught my attention."

Hi Patty,

Instead of "of" or "from" I would restructure the sentence and keep it tight.
Here is how I would write this based upon your scene and the goal of your scene:

I left the wake and weaved through the somber crowd in the hallway, passing an empty room filled with flickering candles.


After I left the wake and wove through the somber crowd in the hallway, I passed a room decorated with flickering candles.


After I left the wake and inched through the somber crowd in the hallway, I noticed a side room alive with flickering candles.

Patty- the possibilities are endless. I like the last version because it offers an image of life "alive with" and that works well against the image of death and the wake.

I hope this helps.

best from Kaye Linden
Visit me at www.kayelinden.com  

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Kaye Linden


I am an expert on flash fiction and flash non-fiction writing and critiquing. I can answer any questions on the craft and evaluation of short story writing and short and long story structure. I can also answer questions about the craft of fiction writing in general.


Teacher of short fiction at Santa Fe College, Gainesville References available. Past Editor-in-Chief (2010-11) of the Bacopa Literary Review Responsibility for the publication of the 2011 edition of the Bacopa Literary Review 2012-13 Short Fiction editor of the Bacopa Literary Review (decision-maker for all short fiction for general submissions and contest) Fiction critique group that meets monthly Active leader in short fiction workshops for the Writers Alliance of Gainesville MFA in writing (national accreditation) from Whidbey Writers’ Workshop (NILA) In addition, multiple classes online with Gotham Writers Workshops and Writers Digest in both poetry and short fiction Currently enrolled in online advanced writing classes. (past classes with poets Michael Dylan Welch and Carolyne Wright)

Florida Writers Association, Writers Alliance of Gainesville, The Bacopa Literary Review, Toastmasters International (certification in Competent Communication) The American Medical Editors Association. Whidbey Island Writers MFA Alumni Association

Kaye’s 2014 publications of short stories, flash fictions and haiku include but are not limited to: "Tales from Ma's Watering Hole" forty tale collection Copper Review “The Scribe” February 2014 Folio Oak Literary Magazine “Just in Time for the Old Man’s Passing” Jan. 2014 “Ghazal for My Lover” Soundings Literary Review print journal Spring 2014 Lists of past short story publications available upon request

Master of Fine Arts in fiction with a specialty in short story writing. (MFA) MFA acquired from Whidbey Island Writers Workshop in 20011 (national accreditation) (Also known as NILA) Bachelors degree in science/Nursing Please refer to: http://www.singingformyfriends.com http://www.kayelinden.com

Awards and Honors
http://shortfictionwritersguild.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/sfwg-2013-flash-fiction-contest-results/ third place for “My Soul is Driving” a reprint October 2013 Contest Honorable Mention for the short story collection ”Tales from Ma’s Watering Hole” June 2013 Leapfrog Press http://www.leapfrogpress.com/ Contest: Honorable Mention for "Tales from Ma's Watering Hole" for the best ebook in the 2013 Writers Digest competition

Past/Present Clients
Students from the Santa Fe classes, critique group members, Writers Alliance of Gainesville members. References available upon request

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